Quick Funny from a Friend’s Neighbor

The Veep debate will be quite the hoot. For you Dems, here’s a drinking game. If any Republicans have a matching game for Biden, please forward it to me and I’ll put it up alongside this one!

P.S. I made one fix: she had Gov. Palin’s son’s name as “Track,” so the line didn’t work. Mine’s snarkier.


  1. Every time Sarah Palin refers to John McCain as a “maverick,” chug a Red Bull while lassoing an unbranded calf.
  2. Every time Sarah Palin cites her executive experience, fix yourself a Bloody Mary.
  3. Anytime Sarah Palin gets lost in her “verbiage” (see Hannity interview), throw a lifesaver towards the TV to rescue Palin from drowning in her half-baked thoughts and unfinished sentences.
  4. If Sarah Palin mentions lipstick, apply enough lipstick to leave an imprint on your drinking glass.
  5. Every time “bailout” is mentioned, finish your drink, pour yourself an even stronger one and apply an icepack to your head.
  6. Every time Sarah Palin alludes to Alaska’s proximity to Russia, mix a Black Russian for your neighbor. If she includes a mention of “Putin rearing his head,” add cream to make it a White Russian the color of Putin’s skin.
  7. Whenever Sarah Palin mentions “not blinking,” toast your neighbor with “Here’s mud in your eye.” If “not blinking” is brought up when discussing how she would handle Russia, put on sunglasses that will help prevent blindness when the nuclear bombs start going off.
  8. If Sarah Plain mentions her recent speed-dating outing with world leaders, mix yourself a Cosmopolitan. Add an extra shot of vodka if this is when she mentions Russia.
  9. Every time Sarah Palin cites her record as a reformer, open a bottle of Sam Adams. If Palin describes John McCain as a reformer, try to think of something other than campaign finance that McCain has successfully pushed through Congress while downing your Sam Adams.
  10. If Sarah Palin denies that Global Warming is man-made, combine ice cream, sponge cake and meringue to make a Baked Alaska. Serve to all Debate Party guests.
  11. If Sarah Palin mentions her pregnant daughter Bristol, take of sip of Harvey’s Bristol Cream. If she mentions her son Trig, calculate the size of the (remaining) Arctic Ice Cap and pop open a cold one.
  12. If Sarah Palin mentions that she played high school basketball, dribble into your glass. If she adds that playing sports will give women economic empowerment (yep, she’s stated this), find the recipe to and then mix a Harvey Wallbanger.
  13. If Sarah Palin accuses the media, Joe Biden or Barack Obama of a cheap shot, down a shot of your own choosing.
  14. If Sarah Palin mentions Cindy McCain, knock back a Bud.
  15. Every time Sarah Palin does something that will be mocked by Tina Fey on the next Saturday Night Live, put on a pair of glasses to enjoy a good ol’ “Live From New York…” libation, be it a Manhattan or a Long Island Iced Tea.
  16. If Sarah Palin refers to her husband as “First Dude,” gag and spit out your drink.
  17. Clink glasses whenever you remember that Joe Biden is participating in this debate, too.
  18. If you are a teetotaler, the prospect of a Palin Presidency should make you start drinking copious amounts of alcohol during Thursday’s debate.

I’d love to see the Republican view of this: Please, bring ’em on!

The Palin Paradox

The conundrum of Bristol Palin’s pregnancy is a great snapshot of modern American views on sex education:

  1. “Good girls” do. (Are there “bad girls?”)
  2. Lust trumps sex ed
  3. Parents, even governors, can’t stop kids from having sex
  4. And, of course, pregnancy is a rational consequence of sex!

I’m pleased that Bristol’s parents are behind her. And that the father has (a) stepped forward and (b) will do the “right” thing and marry her. It’s a great lesson for parents that would otherwise distance themselves from the little trollop (their POV, not mine), or do some other non-linear thing.

I’d like conservative or religious readers to think for a moment, and then comment on the following question: how can sex education and/or policy be changed so as to decrease the chances that other daughters of religious families get pregnant? At what point is it a better choice to explain prophylactics (physical or chemical) over the chance of an unplanned pregnancy?.